Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
