the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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