I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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