I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
