She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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