We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
