Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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