You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize