how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
