im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
