remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
