I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
