she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize