I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
