I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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