Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
