Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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