We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So vagazzling was a success
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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