found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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