how can u be prego again
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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