Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize