It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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