so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
