yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
