you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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