I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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