i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
