Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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