capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
