dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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