I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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