Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
