Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize