you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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