I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
