i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
someone owes me an orgasm
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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