i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
