i already hear my dad disowning me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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