your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
