I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize