Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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