O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I love having hate sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
