I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You ruined the universe
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
