Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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