i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
