just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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