I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
vagina is talking i cant
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize