Sponge bath it is.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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