I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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