Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
