Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My vagina is very pro this idea
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