You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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