haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
