I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
