I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
