Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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