I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
