Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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