I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What drink are we having for lunch?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
