He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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