i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
