Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
