Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
