I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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