Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's blow job season.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
