I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
