We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
