I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
