They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
