then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
