your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
