can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
