Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
